What fresh hell is this?

Getting close to the 2 month mark, and our wedding anniversary. Every day still, the one thought I constantly have in my brain is, "Can I have my husband back now, please?" And yes, I realize how idiotic it can be to have a 'please' there, but it's ingrained, and I am begging. For some reason, this is just the mantra my brain has seized upon - I still can't bring myself to say things will be okay.

I am tired, and nothing is getting better - literally. I am trying to hope. But this is all hell, every moment.