Support Groups
Support groups, for anything, can be weird. Here you are with an issue, a problem, and you decide to hang out with tens of other people with the same problem, all hoping to solve the problem - or at least make it better/easier to deal with. That sounds wonky to me.
But, on the other hand, it's nice to have friends and people you can talk to. It's nicer if they have some experience or inkling of what you are going through, but even nicer when they've known you for a while.
Since Nathan died, people have been really adamant about me joining a support group. Apparently, logistics don't actually matter - I should just join one. (I now realize as I type this I'm actually getting kind of mad and frustrated over this. This post didn't start out this way.) None of the people saying this actually live here. They have no idea that the city proper is 30 miles away from me one way. (Or that there are multiple accidents everyday on the main thoroughfare that I'd rather not get caught up in.) They don't care that at the moment, I literally have no income coming in. So, just no in-come? I guess. I have no daycare/babysitter. I am a full time student trying to juggle 4 young kids without going insane with all the random crises that keep popping up. (Thank goodness my truck passed inspection only needing a $12 lightbulb fix.) They want to add yet another 3 things to my plate in the misguided attempt to be "helpful". Because it's all "just go to a support group" - that's adults only. on a school day. in the middle of the day. and it'll take me around 45 mins to an hour just to drive there, and another 45 mins to an hour to get back, not including finding a day care or babysitter that takes 4 kids for free(!) and can watch them for 3-4 hours a day.
Besides, I don't know if I want any new friends. Nathan was my best friend. He knew everything about me. That's really hard to replace, and in this case it may be impossible. My online "friends" aren't really talking to me, except to suggest a support group. My dad talks to me when he's bored (waiting on the VA). My sisters talk to me nil. Except my psychologist sister - she texted me a long list of support groups that are all full of old people during school times. Yay. And she suggested therapy for the kids - because we all know how that's free and includes babysitting and can take all 4 kids at once so I don't have to be there every freaking day for someone else's appointment. Oh yeah, and they are all only open during schoolhours! ::head freaking desk:: And after all that, she stopped talking to me....
Some of Nathan's friends donated a bit to help towards burial expenses, and there was a little left over for bills. That was appreciated. But that was also about it. It's been a few weeks. The only person who consistently talks to me is Nathan's best friend. His mom is also a sweetheart and tries too, but she worries about being a nuisance. (She's not, ever. She's awesome.)
To be honest, I never really expected too much of the vast majority of these people, since they are all acting the same way they always do towards me. I'm just really getting annoyed with everyone suggesting the same thing, over and over, and I have to repeat everything over and over. Not to mention, why on earth did they think that I hadn't considered a support group myself to begin with? Do they really think suggesting it more than a month later is going to be an epiphany for me? Oh yes! Now I see, you were right all along, and I was simply a naïve, misguided widow. I never even knew about support groups before! Let me drop everything and join all the groups right now, so I can be told over and over again that it's all "God's plan" and "I'll see him again, in heaven" and "things will get better" or "it was meant to be". Because that is exactly more of what I need in my life! Platitudes!
But, on the other hand, it's nice to have friends and people you can talk to. It's nicer if they have some experience or inkling of what you are going through, but even nicer when they've known you for a while.
Since Nathan died, people have been really adamant about me joining a support group. Apparently, logistics don't actually matter - I should just join one. (I now realize as I type this I'm actually getting kind of mad and frustrated over this. This post didn't start out this way.) None of the people saying this actually live here. They have no idea that the city proper is 30 miles away from me one way. (Or that there are multiple accidents everyday on the main thoroughfare that I'd rather not get caught up in.) They don't care that at the moment, I literally have no income coming in. So, just no in-come? I guess. I have no daycare/babysitter. I am a full time student trying to juggle 4 young kids without going insane with all the random crises that keep popping up. (Thank goodness my truck passed inspection only needing a $12 lightbulb fix.) They want to add yet another 3 things to my plate in the misguided attempt to be "helpful". Because it's all "just go to a support group" - that's adults only. on a school day. in the middle of the day. and it'll take me around 45 mins to an hour just to drive there, and another 45 mins to an hour to get back, not including finding a day care or babysitter that takes 4 kids for free(!) and can watch them for 3-4 hours a day.
Besides, I don't know if I want any new friends. Nathan was my best friend. He knew everything about me. That's really hard to replace, and in this case it may be impossible. My online "friends" aren't really talking to me, except to suggest a support group. My dad talks to me when he's bored (waiting on the VA). My sisters talk to me nil. Except my psychologist sister - she texted me a long list of support groups that are all full of old people during school times. Yay. And she suggested therapy for the kids - because we all know how that's free and includes babysitting and can take all 4 kids at once so I don't have to be there every freaking day for someone else's appointment. Oh yeah, and they are all only open during schoolhours! ::head freaking desk:: And after all that, she stopped talking to me....
Some of Nathan's friends donated a bit to help towards burial expenses, and there was a little left over for bills. That was appreciated. But that was also about it. It's been a few weeks. The only person who consistently talks to me is Nathan's best friend. His mom is also a sweetheart and tries too, but she worries about being a nuisance. (She's not, ever. She's awesome.)
To be honest, I never really expected too much of the vast majority of these people, since they are all acting the same way they always do towards me. I'm just really getting annoyed with everyone suggesting the same thing, over and over, and I have to repeat everything over and over. Not to mention, why on earth did they think that I hadn't considered a support group myself to begin with? Do they really think suggesting it more than a month later is going to be an epiphany for me? Oh yes! Now I see, you were right all along, and I was simply a naïve, misguided widow. I never even knew about support groups before! Let me drop everything and join all the groups right now, so I can be told over and over again that it's all "God's plan" and "I'll see him again, in heaven" and "things will get better" or "it was meant to be". Because that is exactly more of what I need in my life! Platitudes!
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