Going Through the Motions...
Today was a tired and tiring day. Tried to get the kids back onto somewhat of a normally school schedule - it failed, but at least it was a spectacular failure, as everyone completed at least 3 subjects - math, social studies, and handwriting. S did even more, he also managed to get reading and grammar done. I guess the middle two will just have to aim for grammar tomorrow, although they are also supposed to get their new science books tomorrow, so that's something to look forward to.
Another hard thing about today was trying to figure out wth to do with the truck. It's 16 years old with 270,000 + miles on it. It needs transmission & catalytic converter work, plus a ton more. The whole thing is about to come crashing apart - and I can't afford to fix it or buy a new one (yet). If I get the SS approval letter, then I could get a new car, but it's been a month and still no closer. I'm praying so hard I hear chanting in my head.
I booked our hotel for the trip to the ocean to scatter some of Nathan's ashes. He loved the beach so much, and PA was one of our happiest places. We were supposed to go next weekend, but it ended up being massively cheaper for this weekend (thanks Spring Break!) so we are going this weekend. I ended up getting a 'nicer' hotel than I normally aim for because I honestly have no patience for crap or things going wrong right now, and I know I definitely will not on this trip. It means too much to me, and it's just all heartbreak. I think I have a room with a balcony overlooking the ocean. I hope so, because I really need to just be able to look out to sea and try to put myself back together. Granted I know that will take more time than I have down there. I found a beautiful house by the sea for sale, but it's out of reach at the moment - everything is out of reach - and I don't know if it ever will be in reach.
In general this is all so hard. Mostly everything is waiting. I'm trying to be patient, but this is my life and everything is on hold. I just want everything to go right, and a billion other little problems pop up every day. It's hard to deal with it all sometimes, because it's like a big tower. Every block is supported by the block below it, and supports the block above it. I just don't know what to do, what the "best" course of action is, and since I don't know everything is stymied?
Another hard thing about today was trying to figure out wth to do with the truck. It's 16 years old with 270,000 + miles on it. It needs transmission & catalytic converter work, plus a ton more. The whole thing is about to come crashing apart - and I can't afford to fix it or buy a new one (yet). If I get the SS approval letter, then I could get a new car, but it's been a month and still no closer. I'm praying so hard I hear chanting in my head.
I booked our hotel for the trip to the ocean to scatter some of Nathan's ashes. He loved the beach so much, and PA was one of our happiest places. We were supposed to go next weekend, but it ended up being massively cheaper for this weekend (thanks Spring Break!) so we are going this weekend. I ended up getting a 'nicer' hotel than I normally aim for because I honestly have no patience for crap or things going wrong right now, and I know I definitely will not on this trip. It means too much to me, and it's just all heartbreak. I think I have a room with a balcony overlooking the ocean. I hope so, because I really need to just be able to look out to sea and try to put myself back together. Granted I know that will take more time than I have down there. I found a beautiful house by the sea for sale, but it's out of reach at the moment - everything is out of reach - and I don't know if it ever will be in reach.
In general this is all so hard. Mostly everything is waiting. I'm trying to be patient, but this is my life and everything is on hold. I just want everything to go right, and a billion other little problems pop up every day. It's hard to deal with it all sometimes, because it's like a big tower. Every block is supported by the block below it, and supports the block above it. I just don't know what to do, what the "best" course of action is, and since I don't know everything is stymied?
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